January 01, 2011 — TLC for Your Family #23 – Happy New Year!

TLC for Your Family #23 – Happy New Year!
January 01, 2011


As each new year approaches, I find it’s a ready-made time to pause, to reflect, to renew, to regroup, to reinvent, to recommit.

And, after taking that time, I usually feel so refreshed and excited to dive into whatever discoveries, goals, and commitments I end up with.

This year is no different.

My biggest family-life-related New Year’s resolution started out as:

"I want to spend more time with my boys."

It sounds so simple, doesn’t it? But I found it was much more complicated than it seemed.

We do interest-led homeschooling (AKA "unschooling"). This means, school is all about allowing and helping my children follow their passions. And I model the same in my own life.

In practice, what that means is often my boys get caught up in their own projects, and I in mine. My research suggests there's a breathtaking amount to be gained from such “parallel play.”

But sometimes I find myself thinking, “I want to spend more time with them.”

The trouble is, often it’s hard for me to tell what’s motivating that. Sometimes I think it’s that I miss them. Sometimes I think it’s the traditional-school-trained part of me, telling myself I should lead them more.

Understandably, but unfortunately, from my perspective, I often find it’s the latter. I make up a story in my mind that the boys need me to lead more. Usually I'm not even conscious I've done it. Then I go offer leadership, only to find that my story in no way comports with reality. Rather, it turns out, I’ve interrupted them in some intense project they’re working on, in which they’re learning a ton, and they’re not interested in me being involved at that time, let alone leading them.

Ah, so much to learn.

So, after realizing that, my resolution slowly became:

"I want to spend more time with the boys, when it would meet their needs (and mine). And, in deciding what would meet their needs, I invite myself to take great care to really look at and be guided by the actual children in front of me, rather than stories made up by my school-trained brain."

So, that’s my main family-life-related New Year’s resolution.

Do you have one? What, if anything, would you like to change about, recommit to, or work on in your family-life in 2011?

Whatever it might be, I hope I can help – in person or through my website or ezine.

In any event, whether or not you have any family-life resolutions, whatever they may be, and however you choose to fulfill them, I wish you and your family a very Happy New Year!

Tiffany Clark
Family Communication Instructor
Family Lawyer-Mediator
Family-Life, Parenting and Conflicts Coach


Discover What Might be Possible in Your Family Life!
PLEASE NOTE: The rules governing my profession advise I inform you of the following. Issues of this ezine may periodically contain messages concerning Tiffany L. Clark’s availability for professional employment within the meaning of California Rule of Professional Conduct 1-400. In any case, no statement in any ezine issue is intended to guarantee any result in any individual case. And neither viewing the information contained in this email, nor communicating with Tiffany, nor attending a talk or workshop series, establishes any duty of confidentiality, mediator-client relationship, coach-client relationship, or attorney-client relationship. These can only be established with a signed client fee agreement for mediation, coaching, or legal services respectively. Please also note that Tiffany is not a psychologist or therapist. Therefore, she is not capable of diagnosing you or any of your family members, or providing any other services only a licensed mental health professional could provide. You are advised to turn to such professionals if you desire such assistance.



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