February 01, 2011 — TLC for Your Family #24 – The Attachment Continues

TLC for Your Family #24 – The Attachment Continues
February 01, 2011


What amazes me most about attachment parenting, Nonviolent Communication (NVC), and unschooling (interest-led homeschooling) is that the attachment continues.

Those cuddles, those gushing “I love yous,” those devotion-filled looks – it all just keeps on going.

My boys are 11 and almost 7. They’re “big boys,” by societal standards. But they’re every bit as unabashedly in love with me as when they were younger.

We’re reading The Little Prince, by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry right now. There’s much confidential discussion in that book between the narrator and children hearing the story.

That discussion centers quite a bit on the limitations of “grown-ups.” You have to explain so much to grown-ups, there’s so much they don’t get, they don’t care about the same things you do, they don’t always help you become who you want to be, etc..

My boys look so confused and sad when they hear such descriptions of adults. They don’t look at themselves as part of a guarded group of peers, questioning the motives of the grown-ups around them, or embarrassed by their affection.

According to Hold Onto Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers, by Dr. Gordon Neufeld, this isn’t because of anything inherently unique about my kids. It’s what happens naturally, as the result of attachment parenting, at least when parental attachment is allowed to remain primary.

Parental attachment is allowed to remain primary with homeschooling, and sometimes in close-knit schools with extremely high levels of parent involvement, according to Dr. Neufeld’s book and talks at the Homeschooling Association of California’s annual conference.

I believe NVC and interest-led schooling play critical roles as well though. If I were doing school-at-home, or otherwise making demands of my children, I believe mistrust and resentment would interfere with our bond.

But with NVC and unschooling, along with attachment parenting, my boys look at me as their trusted partner, working with them to meet the needs of all members of our family, and to achieve the goals they set for themselves.

If the possibility of enhancing these qualities in your relationship with your children appeals to you, it’s my hope I can help.

To that end, here’s what I have to offer right now:

  • To learn about NVC, you can visit my Family Communication page.
  • To learn about how you can maximize attachment, with younger children especially, I recommend The Attachment Parenting Book, by William Sears, M.D., and Martha Sears, R.N., and my breastfeeding web pages, accessible from my main Breastfeeding Q&As page. By the end of this year I hope to also have general attachment parenting pages and cosleeping pages on my site.
  • To learn about how to maximize attachment and trust with older children, especially if they're in school, I recommend the last chapter of Neufeld’s book, cited above, and Guerilla Learning: How to Get a Real Education With or Without School, by Grace Llewellyn and Amy Silver.
  • To learn about unschooling, I recommend, Unschooling: A Lifestyle of Learning, by Sara MGrath. By the end of this year I hope to have unschooling pages up on my web site too.

I hope all that helps. And, in any event, and wherever life takes you next, I wish you and yours “Happy Family-ing!”

Tiffany Clark
Family Communication Instructor
Family Lawyer-Mediator
Family-Life, Parenting and Conflicts Coach

Discover What Might be Possible in Your Family Life!

PLEASE NOTE: The rules governing my profession advise I inform you of the following. Issues of this ezine may periodically contain messages concerning Tiffany L. Clark’s availability for professional employment within the meaning of California Rule of Professional Conduct 1-400. In any case, no statement in any ezine issue is intended to guarantee any result in any individual case. And neither viewing the information contained in this email, nor communicating with Tiffany, nor attending a talk or workshop series, establishes any duty of confidentiality, mediator-client relationship, coach-client relationship, or attorney-client relationship. These can only be established with a signed client fee agreement for mediation, coaching, or legal services respectively. Please also note that Tiffany is not a psychologist or therapist. Therefore, she is not capable of diagnosing you or any of your family members, or providing any other services only a licensed mental health professional could provide. You are advised to turn to such professionals if you desire such assistance.



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